In a recent press release from The Association of American Publishers, it’s clear that digital downloads of books to mass market reading devices continues apace. From February 2010 to 2011, there has been a 202.3% increase in sales of eBooks. Not only that, eBooks are now ranked as the number one format for all categories of trade publishing, which includes adult hardcover, adult paperbacks, adult mass market, children’s/young adult hardcover, and children’s/young adult paperbacks. For those who like their number to be preceded by a $ symbol, eBooks raked in over $90 million in cold, hard cash over the year.
Yet amongst the plethora of vampires, werewolves, wimpy kids, celebrity chefs, management gurus, and impossible heroines, there doesn’t appear to be ONE protagonist who is a Speech Therapist. Not one. Now, if a Whitehouse chef can be the main character in a story (e.g. “Eggsecutive Orders”) why not a Speech Therapist?
Are we not smart enough?
Miranda triumphantly slammed the digital recorder onto Chief Hardcastle’s desk and leaned forward.
“Your killer is not from New York but Boston. If you or your band of hopeless idiots had listened carefully to the demands, you’d have noticed that the ‘r’ sound is almost absent, a feature called ‘non-rhoticity’ and common among Bostonians. So I recommend you tell you slobbering neanderthals to spend less time commenting about my ‘pretty little head’ and take notice of my ‘pretty little ears!'”
With a one-sided smirk of sheer pleasure, Miranda turn around, walked away from the open-mouthed detective, and flipped him the bird as she flounced through the door.
Are we not exciting enough?
Miranda slammed another clip into the Walther and took a deep breath. It took her less than a second to peek around the corner of the desk and count the number of thugs looking for her. Three.
There would be no margin for error. If she wanted to get out alive, she had no choice but to take out all of them. Years of training had sharpened her hearing to the point where she could pick out the sounds of their feet as they tried to move as silently as possible through the room.
But it wasn’t silent enough.
She lobbed a stapler over to the far side of the room, knowing that as it clattered to the floor, her assailants would be distracted for a few seconds. Time enough to act!
Are we not sexy enough?
Brad took her in his arms and moved his head to whisper softly into her ears. His voice was soft. mellow, and controlled after spending years as a voice specialist. Without even having to think, he knew just how to pitch and modulate the timbre of his words to enchant and captivate his victim.
And as she closed her eyes, expectant for the soft kisses to come, Brad gently licked the soft skin of her delicate neck, in preparation for tasting her warm, sweet blood…
Surely there has to be at least ONE budding author out there who can do for Speech Therapy what Anthony Zuiker has done for Crime Scene Investigators? And who would have thought that some spotty-faced kid with a stick and a weird birthmark on his forehead could spawn a billion dollar franchise and make J.K. Rowling richer than Oprah? Is there not room for just ONE heroic Speech Therapist?
Feel free to borrow “Miranda Winchester” and “Brad Márquez” as characters. Just makes sure “The Speech Dudes” get a mention somewhere.
Postscript: June 22nd, 2011
“The Lost and Forgotten Languages of Shanghai” is the debut novel by Ruiyan Xu. It is about the interactions between Chinese-speaking three characters, one of whom has Broca’s aphasia but can still talk in English. Here’s a synopsis from the writer:
And a review from the UK’s “Independent” newspaper.
Postscript: July 8th, 2012
The offer of taking Miranda and Brad as characters is hereby rescinded; I’m working on Miranda myself. No promises but hopefully by christmas…