Tag Archives: speech Pathologist

Tooling up for Therapy: Guns in the Clinic?

Following the recent incident in Ferguson, Missouri, where an unarmed black teenager was shot and killed by a white police officer, issues about race and gun control have once again taken center stage in the minds – and hearts – of large sections of the American public. Although the gun control topic is not the main one being discussed, its contribution to the situation was pointed out by an article in The Economist, a magazine produced in a country where gun control translates to “we don’t have any.”

First of all, the article offers some simple statistics about how the US compares with some other countries in relation to the number of people killed annually by police. The US, with a population of 315 million, saw 405 police shooting deaths in 2013; Germany, with 82 million, had 8; the UK, with 60 million, had zero; and Japan, with 127 million, had the same – zero.

But what was more thought-provoking was the following observation:

This is not because they are trigger-happy but because they are nervous. The citizens they encounter have perhaps 300 million guns between them, so a cop never knows whether the hand in a suspect’s pocket is gripping a Glock. This will not change soon. Even mild gun-controls laws tend to fail. And many Americans will look at the havoc in Ferguson and conclude that it’s time to buy a gun, just in case.

That first sentence actually makes sense. Whatever your beliefs may be in relation to gun control, it’s not impossible to be empathetic towards the notion that when you’re in a job where many of the people you come into contact with are (a) not likely to feel friendly towards you, and (b) could legitimately be carrying a gun, you might feel a little nervous. Note that this isn’t to say shooting an unarmed person is OK but that if you work in law enforcement there’s a good chance that you have learned to be more wary than most when it comes to issues of trust; and by “trust” I mean “could that person be carrying a gun?”

Yet it’s that final sentence that is something of a litmus test for determining people’s perspectives. Basically, what is says is that the answer to having lots of guns in the hands of people is to have more guns in the hands of more people. So you have to ask yourself; do I think having easier access to guns makes my life safer or more dangerous? For members of the National Rifle Association [2], the answer is “safer;” for supporters of gun control, the answer is “more dangerous.”

Gun culture and gaming

Gun culture and gaming

The gun-owning culture in the US is, quite frankly, very hard for folks who live in non-gun-owning cultures to understand. For example, when 20 children and 6 adults were shot at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December, 2012, there was, as you might expect and hope, international outrage and grief, with many countries citing the ease with which people in the US can get guns as being a contributory factor. Yet bizarrely – to the rest of the world – one of the corollaries to the shooting was an increase in gun sales! And the other was the promotion of the idea that teachers should be allowed to carry guns in schools.

Both these things make some sense within the framework of US gun culture. The simple equation is more-guns = more-security. The oft-quoted trope of “if we outlaw guns only outlaws will own guns” is a variation on that theme. As is the idea that “the answer to bad people having guns is to make sure more good people have them.” The latter sounds appealing for a few seconds but defining who “good people” are is much more difficult: ask some of the people of Ferguson if the police are “good people” and their response may be pretty vocal.

So does “good people” include Speech and Language Therapists? Special Educators? Educational Psychologists? Not all of us work in idyllic Norman Rockwell Mayberry’s next door to Mr. Rogers, where trips to the Malt shop are followed by an afternoon of baseball followed by an evening’s barbecue with friends from the neighborhood. Some of us may have “interesting” tales to tell of visits to and from clients that turn out to be less than the perfect therapeutic experience. And perhaps carrying a gun to work is not necessarily as bad an idea as some might think.

Take our poll and see how you match up with other Speech Dudes readers!

For those who demand that a blogger have a “point of view,” this Dude [3] is in favor of gun controls. It’s perfectly possible to support the Second Amendment (and more important to support the First) while simultaneously wanting some modest controls over how guns are handled within society as a whole. There’s no likelihood that America can become a “gunless society” and the suggestion that we should somehow lose the Second Amendment is just plain silly. However, to simply do nothing because someone thinks gun control won’t work is tantamount to saying things are OK. And isn’t stupidity defined as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to change?” If I buy a car, I have to go to the DMV to register it; if I want more than one car, there’s nothing to say I can’t; the government is not trying to take my car away from me; and if I want to hang out with other car enthusiasts, I’m free to do so. If we’re OK with this modest controls for cars, why not guns?

Notes
[1] Here in sunny Cleveland, Ohio, Mayor Frank Jackson is trying to introduce a bill that would include some of the following rules: you can’t take a gun onto a school campus; if you are a convicted offender, you have to register ownership of a gun; you can’t buy more than one gun every three months (i.e. you can only add four guns per year to you collection); if your gun is lost or stolen, you have report it to the police. Put it another way, here’s what you currently CAN do; take a gun to campus (Ohio lets you carry a gun as long as it’s concealed); buy as many guns as you want; lose a gun and not care who finds it; let your kids use guns. But so ingrained is the gun culture mentality that there is actually lots of opposition to these control. To folks outside the US, what might seem like fairly reasonable controls (and no-one here is suggesting that folks can’t own guns or that “someone” is going to “take your guns away”) are, in fact, perceived by a section of the US community as a deeply intrusive attack on a fundamental human right – the right to bear arms. And it’s this perspective that makes any talk of gun control so contentious and explosive within the US yet it’s so hard for folks outside the US to really understand how emotional it is.

[2] For our readers outside the US, the National Rifle Association (or NRA) is a non-profit organization that promotes itself as “proud defenders of history’s patriots and diligent protectors of the Second Amendment.” The Second Amendment says that “A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.” The NRA interpret this as meaning that the word “people” implies “individual,” and therefore the individual has a right to bear arms – and in states with Concealed (or not-so-concealed) Carry laws, this is figuratively the case, where folks walk around with holstered guns just waiting for someone to “make my day, punk.”

[3] “This Dude” is Russell, who, to help put things in perspective, was born and raised in the north of England and didn’t move to the US until I was 35. It’s taken almost 20 years for me to appreciate the Gun Culture perspective. I’ve handled and shot a number of different guns (including Dirty Harry’s “most powerful handgun in the world, and it will blow your head clean off”); live in a hunting/fishing/shooting community; have a son-in-law who’s an ex-soldier who  only gave up his gun collection when his first child was born; and have a daughter who once received a pink Smith & Wesson handgun as a Christmas present. I mention all this to illustrate why it is that I can be a supporter of the right to bear arms yet still support the idea of gun controls.

Dude 2, Chip, would probably shoot me for this stance 🙂

Reading List 2012: Only Just Made it!

I don’t make New Year resolutions on the basis that I have little resolve. Furthermore, I hate to set myself up for failure by promising something and then not succeeding – which I did last year by aspiring to write 500 words a day during the year and then ending up nowhere near that figure.

However, I have been tracking the books I read over the year and that’s been a good way of keeping me in the habit of reading. The tablet revolution might have given folks easy access to downloadable books, but I’m afraid games, videos, and social media account for most of what people do with all this wonderful technology. So just because it’s technologically feasible to get a book on demand, actually plowing through words on a page turns out to be hard work.

A pile of books

Reading is good

Which is why logging my reading habits has definitely helped. I didn’t quite hit the 60 mark as I did in 2011 but some of the books I read were rather heavy going and looooong!

So for the curious – and those looking for inspiration on what to read during the coming year – here’s the 2012 list in order of when I finished each one. And if you don’t have time to read a whole book (shame on you!) you can click on the Dude Link button to download a summary document.

  1. Peter Cook: A Biography – Harry Thompson
     Bio of one of the UK’s most beloved “alternative” comedians. Dudes’ Review
  2. The Greatest Show on Earth – Richard Dawkins
    Lucid account of the process of selection in evolution.
  3. The Angel on the Roof – Russell Banks
    Collection of 31 stories from over thirty years of writing.
  4. The Innovator’s Dilemma – Clayton Christenson Dudes Summary link button
    Innovation as both good and bad, and how to deal with it.
  5. Forward the Foundation – Isaac Asimov
    Classic space opera sci-fi from a master.
  6. The Origin of Speech – Peter MacNeilage Dudes Summary link button
    A neo-Darwinian account of the origin and evolution of speech.
  7. Hatred at Home – Andrew Welsh-Huggins
    Home-grown terrorists in Ohio after 9/11.
  8. The New York Trilogy – Paul Auster
    Three off-beat detective novels in one; postmodernist fiction.
  9. A History of the English Language – Elly van Gelderen Dudes Summary link button
    Textbook with a companion web site.
  10. An Aegean Prophecy – Jeffrey Siger
    Detective fiction set in Greece.
  11. Thinking, Fast and Slow – Daniel Kahneman
    Psychologist looks at cognitive bias in the business world.
  12. Ovid’s Metamorphoses – Charles Martin translation
    A new (2005) translation of Ovid’s indispensable classic.
  13. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal – Jeanette Winterson
    Witty biography of growing up in the north of England – like I did!
  14. A Canticle for Leibowitz – Walter M. Miller
    Award-winning classic post-apocalypse sci-fi story.
  15. Capturing New Markets – Stephen Wunker Dudes Summary link button
    Adapting your business to evolving consumer demands.
  16. Ghosts of Empire – Kwasi Kwarteng
    How British colonial policies have shaped the world.
  17. Freedom for the Thought that We Hate – Anthony Lewis
    The First Amendment and its defenders.
  18. Word Origins and How We Know Them – Anatoly Liberman
    Etymological detective work at its best.
  19. “I” is an Other – James Geary Dudes Summary link button
    How metaphor is embedded in our thinking.
  20. Triplanetary – E.E. “Doc” Smith
    Classic space opera from the 40’s.
  21. The Strange Affair of Spring Heeled Jack – Mark Hodder
    Steampunk in an alternative Victorian era.
  22. You Are Not So Smart – David McRaney Dudes Summary link button
    Why being deluded and biased is simply human.
  23. And a Bottle of Rum – Wayne Curtis Dudes Summary link button
    A history of rum and the rum trade.
  24. IQ84 – Haruki Murakami
    A novel about a novel in a parallel world.
  25. The Curious Case of the Clockwork Man – Mark Hodder
    More steampunk adventures in an alternative Victorian age.
  26. Empire: What Ruling the World Did to the British – Jeremy Paxman Dudes Summary link button
    Three hundred years of Empire in Paxman’s unique style.
  27. Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman – Haruki Murakami
    Collection of stories written between 1981 and 2005.
  28. Everything is Obvious – Duncan J. Watts Dudes Summary link button
    The nonsense of “intuitive” and “obvious” exposed.
  29. Nothing: A Very Short Introduction – Frank Close Dudes Summary link button
    What’s left if you take matter away? Is “nothing” something?
  30. The Kingdom by the Sea – Paul Theroux
    A three-month trip around the UK.
  31. Pedro Paramo – Juan Rulfo
    Stunning magical realism set in Mexico. Dudes Review.
  32. Why Does the World Exist? – Jim Holt Dudes Summary link button
    Philosophers ask why is there something rather than nothing.
  33. My Family and Other Animals – Gerald Durrell
    Life with the Durrells on Corfu in the 1930’s.
  34. Ready Player One – Ernest Cline
    21st century sci-fi romp with one foot firmly  in the 1980’s!
  35. Daemon – Daniel Suarez
    Sentient internet threatens to take over the world.
  36. Freedom (TM) – Daniel Suarez
    Follow up to best-selling Daemon.
  37. Omnitopia – Diane Duane
    Companies fight to control virtual worlds.
  38. The Flaw of Averages – Sam Savage
    Probability and management; don’t bet your shirt on anything!
  39. American Gods – Neil Gaiman
    Award-winning fantasy about gods, myths, and America.
  40. Ill Fares the Land – Tony Judt
    Contemporary materialism and selfishness examined.
  41. 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in God – Guy Harrison
    Arguments against theism.
  42. Incarnation – Daniel Easterman
    Political thriller with mystical overtones.
  43. Kitchen Confidential – Anthony Bourdain
    Sex, drugs, rock and roll – and a kitchen!
  44. Prospero in Hell – L. Jag Lamplighter
    Fantasy about Shakespeare’s Propero character’s family.
  45. The Connected Company – Dave Gray Dudes Summary link button
    How modern companies have to become more connected.
  46. Neverwhere – Neil Gaiman
    A fantasy set in two Londons – the real and a parallel one.
  47. Choke – Chuck Palahniuk
    The life and near-deaths of a con artist.
  48. If Houses Why Not Mouses? – Damien O’Brien
    Etymology and how historical sound change affects words.
  49. Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World – Haruki Murakami
    Two plot lines become one in a surreal fantasy about memory.
  50. All in a Word – Vivian Cook Dudes Summary link button
    Bits and bobs about words and phrases.
  51. The Dreamthief’s Daughter – Michael Moorcock
    Nazis, magical swords, multiverses, and Moorcock as usual.
  52. The Story of English in 100 Words – David Crystal Dudes Summary link button
    Why English is how it is through 100 words.
  53. A Dash of Style – Noah Lukeman Dudes Summary link button
    How to improve your punctuation and, hence, your writing.
  54. Mortality – Christopher Hitchens
    Hitchens’ final essays as he was dying of cancer.

I have two books currently on the go on my tablet, so 2013 is already underway! If anyone has any suggestions for books worth reading, let me know. And watch out for more Dudes Summary link button links with our posts.

Dudes’ Eye View: Video Review of 2012

So here it is, in all its sheer awesomeness, the annual (well, second so far) Dudes’ Eye View video review of the year! Feel free to share this with your friends, family, and peeps around the world.

Oh, and there is a tiny cluster of #SLPeeps in the video – see if it’s you!

The soundtrack is also available as a download.

Castle of Astolat – Dudes’ Eye View 2012

Soon I’ll have the extended techno remix available so you can slap it on the MP3 player of your choice. Watch the tweets for its release.

Tech Notes
Keyboard
* Korg X5D
Software
* Corel VideoStudio Pro X3
* Sony Acid Studio 9

Beware the Sponge and Protect Your Reputation!

Are you happy with “The Cloud?” Do you even know what “The Cloud” is? And are you aware that even if you don’t know what “The Cloud ” is, you’re already drifting around inside it!

cloud

Love that cloud?

For those who like definitions, here’s one you can add to your personal dictionary:

The Cloud is a collection of data-storing computers scattered all over the globe and capable of collecting, sharing, and storing every piece of information that travels via the internet from one computer to another.

“The Cloud” is simply a simple phrase used to describe the notion of cloud computing. And cloud computing covers everything from Amazon downloads to Zynga games. So in truth, the internet is the cloud, and the cloud is the internet.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single computer user in possession of a good WiFi connection must be in want of the Cloud. Our world is now so connected that for many people the idea that you cannot send a message to someone almost instantaneously is unthinkable. Our “baby geniuses” who apparently,at the age of 2 months, can use an iPad to play Angry Birds, order a pizza with double pepperoni, and take down a foreign power all within 20 minutes, are destined to grow up in a world where the concept of “being alone” will be very different from what it used to be [1].

But here are two very, very important things to bear in mind about the cloud. First, it is public, in the sense that even if you have some “security” measures in place, the stuff that is out there is really “out there” and not written down on a single sheet of paper in a locked filing cabinet. Second, the cloud never forgets. Never! You might think an elephant has a phenomenal memory but the cloud is smarter that an entire herd of pachyderms and certainly contains a lot more shit.

In this sense, the cloud is not a cloud but a huge data sponge, soaking up every last drop of information that gets tweeted, posted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, blogged, plurked, googled, uploaded, pinterested, or simply emailed. And it’s a living sponge that grows and grows as new servers come on line on a daily basis, and as hard drives go from megabytes to terabytes and up to zettabytes and geopbytes [2]. Short of an apocalyptic destruction of all technology on the earth, the reality is that the sponge is here to stay and destined to be as much a part of our lives as electricity. Resistance is futile and we will be absorbed.

Image of a sponge

Beware the Sponge!

The world-wide web, as it was called back in the day, started life as a project to link documents via links, where you clicked on a word or phrase in a piece of text and that would whisk you away to another location – or even a different document! Although this seems transparent to use today, back in 1989 when Tim Berners-Lee and his pals created the first “web browser” at the CERN laboratories in Geneva, it was a breakthrough concept. It is, in fact, the most fundamental concept that underlies the entire cloud of today – hypertextual linking.

Since then, the web has become much more sophisticated and ubiquitous. For many of us in the Western world, information is literally at our fingertips as we tap our smart phones and type in “Which animal has the largest penis?” or “Show me a video of Gangnam style” and whoosh… we’re looking at a picture of a barnacle (its penis is 40 times as long as its body!) and Psy riding imaginary horses and slapping his booty while wearing a selection of clothes that look like they were stolen from a Vegas Elvis impersonator’s wardrobe [3].

On a more worrisome note, information from the cloud isn’t just restricted to well-hung sea-dwellers and Korean pop stars, but you and I are up there to. Really, we are. If you have never googled yourself before (and I can’t believe you haven’t) give it a try right now. Stop reading and type in your name.

If you are lucky, you’ll find links to Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or any of the social network sites to which you subscribe. If you are unlucky, you’ll find links to embarrassing YouTube videos you’d forgotten about or old posts that you regret making. But if you are extremely unlucky, you’ll find comments about you that are irritating, hurtful, and even not true. And as I said, this is all public.

So let’s look at some of the things you need to be aware of with regard to the cloud. According to the Swiss consultancy firm, KBSD, here are some statistics that make you think:

  • 48% of recruiters and employers check your personal website prior to making a hiring decision
  • 78% of recruiters use a search engine to check you out
  • 63% of recruiters check social media sites (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.)
  • 8% of companies have fired employees for comments on social media

So here is the Speech Dudes 10 Step Plan for protecting your online reputation.

1. Think Before You Post – TBYP. This is the most powerful tool you have against “foot-in-mouth” syndrome. It doesn’t prevent others from posting misinformation about you but the majority of internet blunders are caused by human error – that human being you.

2. Avoid “Enthusiasm Spam.” We are all excited about what we do and want share that. However, there is a point at which you enthusiasm can become irritating and annoying. A conversation in social media that’s “buy my stuff” is not a conversation – it’s a monologue or a sales pitch. As with point 1, you can control yourself and must avoid becoming that “infomercial saleperson” that makes you change the channel!

3. Set up a Google Alert to automatically tell you when you are mentioned as a result of a Google search. You need to have a Google account (in the cloud!) but the service is free and you can sign up for it at Google Alerts.

4. Respond quickly to a new mention and, if necessary, correct errors. Give the critic a “PAT on the back” – Personalise the discussion; Apologise for errors or confusions; Take Action to fix what went wrong.

5. Tag images before posting. If you create an image, you can usually tag it in some way to include ownership details – a minimum of “Copyright Speech Dudes, 2012.”  In the case of a disputed image (where someone has used you graphic without permission) a simple “Properties” click on the file will reveal that it is yours.

6. Regularly change passwords to email and social media accounts. This can be tedious depending on how often you want “regular” to be, but it can avoid hijacking of your media channels. When was the last time you saw a tweet from a “friend” you follow with “Hey, I just found out how to make $10,000 at this address!!! http://www.spamspamspam.com.”

7. Avoid giving geographical information. Nothing says “come rob my house” better than “Mmh, loving this mojito in Aruba.” Your patterns of travel can be valuable information to marketeers who want to sell you place fares, but they an also tell less scrupulous people about your routines.

8. Learn to live with what “Freedom of Speech” really means or just stay out of the argument. For example, if you are a passionate atheist and regularly blog about it, make comments on Facebook, or tweet the Richard Dawkins website address to all your followers every week, do not be surprised if your god-fearing clients decide to go elsewhere. You are free to say what you like but so are your critics.

9. “Be Excellent to Each Other.” Your reputation is only as good as you are to other people. Trite as it may seem, the “Golden Rule” still applies in the world of the cloud – even if the majority of the folks who comment on news websites seem to be belligerent, venom-spitting zealots with all the appeal of a weeping wound on a canker-infested rhino’s backside. And that’s being unkind to rhinos.

10. Consider a Reputation Management company. The larger your business, the more likely you are to suffer some reputation attacks, and it may make financial sense to employ a company that specialises in Reputation Management. Sure it costs money but so does lost business. No matter how nice, patient, and diplomatic you may be, sometimes you have to use a 3rd-party to help, be that a Reputation Management group or an attorney.

If you take reasonable precautions, such as the 10 listed above, you can minimize the harm that can come from the unpredictable and skittish inhabitants of the cloud.

And we are, after all, a reputable source!

Notes
[1] I can remember when a vacation meant being out of contact for two weeks, and the world apparently went on quite happily during that time. In fact, that was pretty standard for most people. Now it’s rare for anyone to have any time when they are incommunicado unless they proactively arrange it that way. I am as guilty as anyone since I used to scoff and sneer at “workaholics” who couldn’t put their phones down, and now I have mt Droid pinging, peeping, and buzzing from getting out of bed in the morning to getting back in at night. I worry that the loss of “being alone” will have tragic effects on our psyches and that we are all the worse for being always connected.

[2] The geopbyte is 1,267,650,600,228,229,401,496,703,205,376 bytes – which is pretty big. For those who love numbers – and we try always to be educational, even if we don’t win awards – here’s a chart you can copy and paste:

1 Bit  = Binary Digit
4 Bits =1 Nibble
8 Bits = 1 Byte
1024 Bytes = 1 Kilobyte
1024 Kilobytes = 1 Megabyte 
1024 Megabytes = 1 Gigabyte
1024 Gigabytes = 1 Terabyte
1024 Terabytes = 1 Petabyte
1024 Petabytes = 1 Exabyte
1024 Exabytes = 1 Zettabyte
1024 Zettabytes = 1 Yottabyte
1024 Yottabytes = 1 Brontobyte
1024 Brontobytes = 1 Geopbyte 

[3] For the Dudes out there who are more interested in Psy’s co-star in the video – and who wouldn’t be – she’s also a Korean K-pop star called Hyuna who sings with the group, 4Minute. K-pop is a genre of music from Korea that is basically a dance-rap blend with a little techno thrown in for good measure. Prior to Psy’s mega-hit, Gangnam Style, K-pop was pretty much a specialist genre for folks in the US, UK, and other English-speaking countries.

Why Scarves are important to Speech Pathologists

In a recent poll of Speech and Language Pathologists  (The #SLPeeps Top 10 SLP Gifts) held by the folks at LessonPix, the number one object of infinite desire was… the scarf! Talk about stereotypes fulfilled. Tragically, this Dude was one of those who voted for the scarf, and readily admits to having a small collection of the things (you have to match with your coats and jackets – duh!) so perhaps it’s not necessarily surprising.

University of Lancaster UK Fylde College scarf

My new scarf

Of course, the other factor that may be biasing the results is that the poll is taking place just as the weather is becoming peppered with snow and the temperatures are falling faster than Mitt Romney’s post-election popularity [1]. So the stores are currently filled with more scarves than Santa has elves.

And so speaking of scarves and elves

One of the standard areas of concern for SLPs is teaching plurals. To be more accurate, teaching the phonological realizations of a morphological process that creates plural forms from a singular morpheme base. I toss that in because some folks seem to think that the Dudes are trivial, unprofessional, and simply out for a good time. That may have some veracity about it, but we are very aware that not everyone who reads this blog is, in fact, an SLP. So our role is to entertain and educate a broad church, and to promote the idea that SLPs are more than middle-class gentile ladies who wear scarves with twin-sets and pearls. Well, OK, so we do wear scarves…

Therapeutically speaking, we can use the scarf as a way of teaching a rather limited set of weird plural forms, namely those nouns that end in an /f/ sound when singular but turn into a /vz/ when plural. Here’s the list;

calf – calves
life – lives
thief – thieves
elf – elves
loaf – loaves
wife – wives
half – halves
self – selves
wolf – wolves
knife-knives
sheaf-sheaves
leaf – leaves
shelf – shelves

There are ongoing discussions about dwarfdwarfs/dwarves, with linguists typically coming down on the side of dwarves but Disney still insisting on “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” – and you don’t mess with the Mouse unless you want a law suit in the mail [2].

Historically, these “irregular” plurals come from a “regular” source – Old English. You see, one of the common plurals in OE was the ending “-as,” and so you would talk about one wulf or wif (wolf and wife [3]) but two or more wulfas or wifas. But there was also a rule in existence that said that all fricatives (such as /f/ or /s/) would become voiced (change to /v/ or /z/) when they were stuffed between two other voiced sounds, which includes vowels. So seeing as the /f/ in wulfas and wifas sat between vowels, they were pronounced as /’wulvæz/ and /’waɪvæz/. Finally, over time, the final unstressed vowel was dropped leaving /’wulvz/ and /’waɪvz/.

Tada!!

But the fun doesn’t stop here, oh no! Just to keep the excitement going, the word scarf doesn’t come from the Old English and wasn’t around with the wolves, wives, elves, leaves, or sheaves, and didn’t make an appearance in the English lexicon until the middle of the 16th century. It’s not absolutely certain, but odds are that scarf comes from Old Northern French escarpe meaning “a sash” or “a sling for a wounded arm.” At that time, folks did talk about wearing scarfs but in the 18th century, it became mor fashionable to wear scarves, the plural swap being influenced by those old Old English “irregulars.”

Using my old friend, the Corpus of Historical American, I was able to produce the following graphs that show how scarfs declined as scarves ascended.

Use of the word scarf over time

“Scarfs” over time

Use of the word scarves over time

“Scarves” over time

As a confirmatory check, I also did a Google N-gram search:

The words scarfs and scarves over time

“Scarfs” and “scarves” over time

We could stop here and say “so that’s why you should teach scarves and not scarfs” and be done with it, but there’s just one more wonderful little quirk of English I’d like to point out.

“My dog is a hungry wee beastie. Whenever I give him some food, he scarfs it down as if he’d never eaten before.” So why doesn’t he *scarve it down?

Well, when the word scarf appears as a verb, it comes from a completely different place. It is, in fact, a variation of the word scoff, which is in turn a slang word for “to eat voraciously” or “to devour hungrily.” This word made its appearance at the beginning of the 19th century and so it’s subject to the rules of Modern English grammar, not Old English. When you add the third-person verb ending of “s” to scoff, it becomes plain old scoffs, and in Modern English, the final sound takes on the voicing of the preceding sound, hence /’skɒfs/.

So there you have it! SLPs love scarves because they remind us about phonological processes that change words over time, processes that changed the pronunciation of plural and verb morphology, and even about the history of the English language.

Or maybe we just like the colors…

Notes
[1] I’m not given to engaging in political discussions but yesterday I drove past a gas station here in Ohio where the price of a gallon was $2.98, and less than a month ago I was listening to Republican pundits prophesying how gas prices would rocket if Obama were elected. They were so sure, certain, positive, and adamant about the truth of the assertion that there are only two conclusions to draw from their pontificating; either there were wrong (in which case they are no smarter than anyone who can scrawl an “X” on a ballot so not worth listening to) or they were lying (in which case they are lying bastards and will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.) If there’s a third alternative, let me know.

[2] J.R.R. Tolkien, a linguistics scholar, argued for the use of dwarves, and all his works use that. But the venerable Oxford English Dictionary acknowledges the words dwarfs as a plural, thus queering the pitch even further. Way back in 1862, Ernest Adams wrote The Elements of the English Language and noted that the forms dwarf/dwarves seemed to be in free variation, but that “in modern English the form in f is preferred” (p.39).

[3] Before someone smacks me over the head with very heavy copies of Beowulf or Caedmon’s Hymn, I am aware that since Old English was first spoken, there has been a Great Vowel Shift that changed the pronunciation of many words. So in my example of /’waɪf/ should really have had the long “eee” vowel, /i/ and been /’wif/ if we’re going to be more accurate. However, whether the vowel is /aɪ/ or /i/, the rule that changed /f/ and /s/ to /v/ and /z/ would still have applied.